A Letter to Caitlin
Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of the photo shoot. I didn’t really think I would get anything out of it. It would be more for the public than for me. I was so unbelievably wrong. The interview changed me in a way that I never expected. I had to be bluntly honest about my truth. I had to get over the embarrassment of not being able to do the shoot at my house because I had no electric or gas. I had to get over the fact that nothing in the house truly belonged to me. I had no identity there. I showed you my list for my house which was a secret. I had never said I wanted my own place out loud. I never wanted anyone to think I was abandoning my mother. I was scared, angry that I didn’t have my own life, and ready for a change. In August I made the decision to move out of the place that I couldn’t afford to pay rent and the utilities at the same time. I started sleeping on a loveseat instead of a couch. Everything was so out of whack. I had a new job that made me feel poorer than ever. I knew God was making a change so I kept hanging on although I wondered where He was at, cause my living conditions were foolish. It was hard as hell. I almost left church. I stopped praying and taking my meds. I was far from undetectable and extremely pissed off.
I couldn’t wait to get out of 2013 but 2014 didn’t start off rosy either. New year, new issues. I was to the point of breakdown. I cried everyday, I yelled and I was probably quite unpleasant but no one told me…lol. Then I talked to my brother, sister, and doctor and they all said the same thing. It’s time to do something different. I remembered when my Pastor prophesied to me that I would be self sufficient in 2010. I remembered the photo shoot and interview and it gave me a sense of happiness but, the only problem was I owed everybody and my rental history sucks. I was denied by a couple of apartment complexes and tried to hatch up a plan with my sister. She wasn’t going for it. She gave me a website to check out and low and behold someone decided to give me yet another chance. So, I am happy to say that I will be moving to my new place on April 5th and it feels good.
Tabby Bibbs, 36 –Photograph by Caitlin Margaret Kelly –©2013, All Rights Reserved
My truth is this is what I have always wanted. I wanted my freedom, my independence, my liberty and now I have found it. Thank you for asking the right questions. Thank you for the free therapy session. Thank you for allowing me to be me. Finally thank you for the photo shoot that was supposed to be for the public that made me realize that it was much more than that. It was independence day for me, Tiede “Tabby” Bibbs.