I recently encountered the harsh reality of the stigma that goes along with being HIV+ once again. One of my bestest (lol) friends was accused of being HIV+ because she hangs out with me. I often forget just how horrible people see me sometimes until it creeps up like this. I have to remember that being open about my status, in hopes of opening some eyes, there are sometimes consequences that tag along with this. People are STILL very ignorant to the subject and choose to not educate themselves because they don’t feel they have to. My biggest fear is that my children will be ridiculed for having a mother that is HIV+. Kids tend to follow what their parents teach them and by what they see.
This is going to sound REALLY crazy but I can remember at the age of 14-15 my mom had “The Talk” with me and told me about many of the diseases out there and that if I ever got AIDS, as she worded it, there would be nothing she could do. Seems really scarey to me to look back and remember that talk. As a teenager I thought “that won’t happen to me”, “only slutty girls, gay guys. and IV drug users get it”. There was education back then but not like we have today. Teenagers still have the mentality that “It won’t happen to me” just as I did over 20 years ago.
I wish so badly to be able to reach out and touch folks and put it in their faces that HIV is still very real and that there are many people each and everyday being infected. Then the fear of ridicule sits in. The stigma reaches out and grabs my heart and rips it out. I am who I am and even with the ignorance of some, I will still continue to march on and share my story in hopes of reaching someone. I know I need to stand tall with my head held high because I have been infected for as long as I have and not been truly sick. I can only pray that the barriers will crumble down and folks will take this virus serious and all it takes is one time to become infected.
Having the support of all of you has greatly helped me, I’m not feeling alone amongst all the HIV negative friends I have. I am unsure of how much more I can do to get people to listen to me. I have still had friends and family, after knowing about me and how I was infected, still go out and have unprotected sex. It is so frustrating to me. It seems that they won’t take it serious unless I am sick or not feeling well and even then that’s a reach. Not sure how we can all help get rid of this ridicule and stigma but it will not be for a lack of trying on my part. Much love to you all!!! Thank you for letting me vent lol
My Quest for the Expert Solution/Advice
When I was first put on the HIV drug combo stamvudine (d4t, Zerit) + lamivudine (3TC, Epivir) + nevirapine (Viramune), I had an initial fear of how it would react on my body. Will one of my organs fail? Will I look bit weighty with fats exposing out where it shouldn’t be? Or would I have sunken cheeks, dark circles around my eyes, a very tired face and too lazy to move? How will it impact my day-to-day life? What should I do/eat/take care to maintain myself well so that it don’t make my schedule go haywire? I had all those questions in my mind, questions that I was seeking answers to, questions that doctors simply reply to as ” Don’t think much, just take the meds, eat healthy, exercise regularly and you’ll be fine”. Thou I would find most of my answers in Google, it gave me the scariest picture that I could ever imagine.
Without a proper knowledge, guidance and assurance, I lived wholly under fear yet I didnt let that fear affect my life. When I was first detected in 2006 with my CD4 of 400 something and was put on lamivudine + stavudine + nevaripine (yes, I was hooked on meds when my CD4 was 400, not below 200), everything was fine–OR as per my ignorance–it looked fine. When later from a fellow friend and survivor I was told that the tingling sensation I feel on my hands and feet are the signs of Neuropathy. When I googled that, I was shocked to read what is neuropathy, and how it can affect a person. In my 5 years of taking those meds, first three years were fine, then the next two years my daily schedules were getting affected due to the tingling sensation on my hands and feet to which I ignored thinking that it’s normal and nothing! At times, when I wanted to get up, my feet would fail to respond and would become kind of numb to which I attribute to sitting or lying for a long time. How was I suppose to know that my body is reacting to neuropathological disorder? Sometimes, while cleaning utensils, most the glasses and crockeries would slip out of my hand and break and I blamed it on my clumsiness. But no, it was a neuropathological disorder!! The more I knew about neuropathy, the more scared I became that without wasting any more time, I went to my doctor and demanded to have my meds changed instead. What really frightened me was to discover that Stamvudine figured in the list of “banned” substances. Sometimes, with the effect of google and the misguided information really plays havoc with your mind and hence I demanded my doc that am opting out of Stamvudine and no amount of reasoning would make me change my mind.
Hence starting Jan 2012 I was put on zidovudine (AZT, Retrovir), breaking off from stamvudine after 6 long years. I was apprehensive regarding zidovudine as well and gave my doc a “know-all” look as if demanding to know more about the side effects of the medicines rather than keeping my mind shut and blindly trusting him like before. I was told that zidovudine may result in “Anemia” but then I will be monitored every month and put on multi-vitamins/ multi-minerals tablets so that even being “slight” anemic is nothing to worry about. Then he also said that Zido like stamvudine, stores fats on waist and neck but since I was responding well to Stam (except for the tingling sensation) I would do fine with zidovudine. Somewhere, I was having butterflies in my stomach, feeling uneasy taking zidovudine (after all, many thanks to google and the effect it did on my mind) but still I had no option but to try it. What followed after was satisfactory result. From Jan to March I was in pink of health. The side effect started showing on mid-March when I felt too tired to even move, drowsiness even after having a good 8-10 hours of sleep, dizziness. The blood test resulted in “Low Haemoglobin” resulting in me being Anemic. i did not press the panic button as this time I was prepared for it before hand as I knew it is bound to happen. To control that deficiency, I wa told to be on high-protein low carb food.
From mid March to May, I slowly noticed my body contours changing until it became much visible on the mirror itself! A slight double-chin, a bit of fats on my arms and thighs. Plus an increase in a belt-size!! Yikes!!!!! What blew me off and sounded the alarm bell was when in these 4 months time after taking my new dosage combination, my 30 inch waist increased to 32, and now 34, threatening to expand further. Most of my clothes were not fitting properly and I have to get back to my pregnancy dresses!! Or maxis!! Or long loose flowing gowns and frocks!! Again I made a trip to my doctor requesting hysterically that zidovudine is spoiling my figure, bulging my tummy. And his reply was ” eat healthy, exercise regulary and u’ll be fine”!! Arrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!! I have heard of that before too. I was not looking for comfort and assurance, I was looking for answers and solutions. I was looking for advice, a transparency in what the medicines can do to your body and how I can balance my health with toxic meds.
Thus began my quest for a doctor who understand the fear in patient’s mind, who understand that the patient needs knowledge rather than remaining in ignorance, gulping down the life-saving bomb (pills) in the system (body). I would rather that the doc-patient relationship should be such that he/she should not be falsely reassured but be PREPARED for the next side-effect. Such relationship is not very common here in India. People consider doctors to be second, next to God. To me, a doctor is just a “doctor” in profession, even thou they can save life, but being God-Conscious, I believe that thou doctor’s duty is to save lives, a life lie in the hands of God. Zidovudine did me more harm than good. I was nearly terminated from my job. Most of the days, I have to forcibly drag my body out of the bed even though I had slept longer than usual. At the most, my feet would swell and pain. Dizziness in public places was causing me more embarrassment than agony. But the “forever increasing” waistline was the more cause of my concern as I was well aware of obesity resulting in more problems. Hence I am determined to change my doctor of 6 years coz in the end of the day its MY body that I am dealing with, not THEIR medicines.
Starting from the beginning…
Let me start from the time I found out my HIV status….
Twelve year ago when I took the HIV test, I knew nothing about the virus and mode of transmission of the virus. In the year 2001, I was a young single mother to a little boy of seven years old. My goal then was to be a mother and father for my son! And this I have been since his birth. I was offered a job as a receptionist in one of the private medical laborotory. I learned on the job, how to conduct some test including HIV test, this lab work was in partnership with a private hospital.
In year 2002, the MD of the hospital called and he want me to inculde HIV among all other tests for ANC, he wanted to be the one who ran the HIV test on all pregenant women that comes for antinetal clinic and keep data and record of them all. In just a few months I had records of twenty eight pregnant women who tested positive to the virus…and to me this was alarming and very scary. Because, as of that time, we do not know where to refer them to, most of them never come back after they were told by the doctor that they have tested positive for HIV.
Some came back when their babies are almost dying. This promts me to carry the test on myself, and when it turn out positive for the virus, my whole life came to an end at that point! Because on my street, two houses away from my house, a woman was sent to the lab where I work to run her sick husband’s HIV test and I was the one who carried out the test. It was positive and this man died after some days and the wife followed. Also in that same house, another couple died of same virus.
So everyday I slept, I never thought of seeing the next day! But the only thing I started doing is reading and gathering information about this deadly virus that has claimed so many life in my community. Then I told myself that I can find a cure to this deadly disease. I started experimenting with my body by injecting some deadly substance into my vein. I almost died!
I will continue my story soon…
Maria—Nothing but Love and light for me!!!!!!
Instead of replying to the blogs and blog videos Maria has posted I thought I would share with everyone… I sat down and watched and read some of the blogs Maria has posted and she really struck a nerve, a fire in my behind, conviction for my actions and a light bulb in my head. lol. Some of those sound bad, but they are not aimed at Maria–but myself. I have never really made an effort or changed a whole lot of things in my life and the way I take care of myself. I am in love with sugar and my coffee and my cigarettes!!!! Maria was so wonderful and pointed out how important it is to take care of ourselves being HIV+. I really didn’t like her for a minute 
because she is sooooo right. I have thought about quitting smoking but just haven’t been ready. I did quit for many years but that was because I was pregnant. But after my divorce to the kids’ daddy in 2001, I started again, along with drinking every weekend for about 4-6 months. I have been with my now husband, for 7 years and for the longest time only drank occasionally but in the last month I have went out every Saturday night to dance and drink. I have felt like I can live again. I know a lot of this ‘umph’ I have comes from the Lyrica the doc prescribed. It has been a miracle drug for me. Every week, I look forward to that Saturday night because when I drink I have no neck or body pain and feel “normal”, have energy, laugh and socialize with EVERYONE!!!! I have thought about trying to drink on the weekdays when I hurt and the hydrocodone doesn’t work but I cannot bring myself to do that as I have children and that is sooooo not cool. I have also thought about smoking pot as a lot of ppl claim it helps with pain but then again ABSOLUTELY NOT because I grew up in a house with parents that got high everyday. I REFUSE to do that to my children!!!!!
So after saying all of that….after watching and reading Maria…….it hit me…… Ummmmm ding dong, how about going the natural way as was intended for us as humans and start eating healthier and getting rid of all the toxins I consume each and everyday. This is so hard for me to really take in because this makes my HIV even more of a reality along with my body pain. Grrrrrrrrrr. Tears fall down my face and I am greatly saddened by the choices I have made. I am torn. Do I think about my health and being able to be a mother to my children for many years or do I risk it changing nothing and live the way I have been and hope it doesn’t wreak havock on my health? Sounds kind of like a no brainer but sugar, coffee and smoking are my addictions. My journey to “real” health will be long and hard but I’m sure it will be worth it.
I make myself out to look really bad, like I’m some drunk or party animal and I am not (except on Saturdays lately). I blog this only to be “real” in all that I give to you ladies. Maria has been so good for me and even though we may believe differently spiritually she is still my blessing from God!!!!!! Her love and light she always shares, shines through each and every word she utters. I pray nothing but awesomeness for her!!! I do think it is time to take the steps to ensure better health and longevity. I will have to educate myself on getting healthy but Maria has opened that door a little for me to peek in and see some of the great ways to get and be healthy. Her blog has also helped to kick me in the hind end to NEVER miss my doses of my HIV meds. It’s time for me to get a grip and be healthy and find other ways to feel “normal” and have no pain and more energy. I just pray I can find it!!!!!! I hope this has helped someone, somewhere. None of us are perfect but we can always make the decision to start doing things the right way, TODAY. Thank you again, Maria, and for those of you that have not read or watched her video blogs—do it–go watch and read now. You will truly be inspired.
Lots of love to you all!!!!
Ang
Telling people about my status….
Sometimes it’s more trouble than it’s worth. How did you get it, how old were you? Do you have AIDS or just HIV? Really, just HIV? LOL are you sick? have you ever been really sick… so after 100 questions, I finally say “Are you done now?” “Because I am.” I am not sure why I am surprised every single time. When really I want to say, “You have know me for ____ amount of time and at any of that time has my head spun off my shoulders?” I still think it’s interesting. I am like my own little freak show. Or maybe an exhibit… Here we have exhibit “X” she is HIV+ and lives a normal life. She’s one of a kind… an Enigma! As you all know, I am not. I am one of many, I am you.
Jae
LIVING MY DREAM!!
So many of our dreams at first seem impossible but when we show the will, they soon become inevitable. Yes! Am living testimony that our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.
A few months ago I left our capital city, Kampala (Uganda), for my hometown…jobless but armed with the drive and desire to help young children and no clue of where to begin.
Today, I have a Kindergarten and Daycare and have an enrollment of over 80 children. It has been a humbling and beautiful experience right from the day the first child reported for school in early February till we closed for the holidays in April.
The transformation of the children entrusted to me is simply remarkable. Many of these children joined the school when they could hardly speak a word in English except for the local dialect, but by the time the term closed they were speaking several English words comfortably. The Parents’ appreciation for what I have done for their children every time I get to meet them brings me immense joy.
The beginning, like anything else I must admit, did not come without its challenges but am glad we overcame them. From trying to get the house I rented ready for school, getting good caregivers to the different aspects of a school.
I remember helping the painters with the painting because of the excitement and designing our school uniform which I must add is one of the best in this part of my country. My idea was simple; bring the city to the countryside and it’s working great.
It’s my desire that I will not speak or talk defeat over my dream but use words like faith, victory and hope. I have hope that the future for me is bright and with it will come more beautiful dreams. Hope for me is not pretending that the troubles like the HIV in my body does not exist. It’s hope that this will be managed by taking my medication correctly and eating healthy and most of all continuing to nurture positive thoughts. I also know that the hurts I have had before like being rejected by the father of my son because of my status, losing my baby and betrayal by an HIV positive partner will be healed.
I know it’s only I that can change my dreams and I will not numb myself to the trials and difficulties in my life but will find peace not by trying to escape my problems but by confronting them courageously.
I have done so by starting my own Kindergarten and Daycare because it’s my understanding that nothing splendid can be achieved unless one dares to believe that something inside them is superior to their circumstance and for me this definitely refers to the HIV in my blood!
with love, Joy.
Update from Vickie L (lovinglife)
It has been quite a while since I have written and for that I must apologize. I love reading everyone’s post but sometimes do not have the time to keep up with myself.
I have been working with Dr. M (my boss) at the University of South Florida on a research project that tests the feasibility of delivering a behavioral health intervention for women living with HIV via a video phone. The experience has been incredible and very rewarding. We are almost done with the actual deliver of the intervention – we have been doing this for the past 15 months. We will now begin looking at the data in hopes that we can write an additional grant and offer this wonderful opportunity to more women. I personally do not have to look at the numbers to know this is of great benefit and value to all women living with HIV everywhere. It gives women an opportunity to identify and talk with other women dealing with similar issues. Of course, we all know data and scientific findings are necessary in order to get more funding.
During the past year I have also applied for and been accepted to the doctoral program at the University of South Florida, College of Public Health, Community and Family, Behavioral Health Program. My research objective includes exploring the use of evidence-based interventions in community settings and how these interventions can be developed to be delivered via new technology: cell phones, internet, computer-based, and video-conferencing to improve the lives of women living with HIV/AIDS.
From homelessness 15 years ago to where I am today is beyond words. I cannot tell you the joy my life now offers me! I am so very grateful everyday just to be alive!
Needless to say, I have had a wonderful year and am going to continue this trend by attending the International AIDS Conference in D.C. this summer. I start my PhD classes the end of August so this will be the perfect time for me to “get away”.
As many of you know The International AIDS Conference will be in the United States for the first time in 22 years due to President Obama lifting the “HIV travel ban” which prevented people living with HIV to travel into the United States. This means a great deal to me since I have been living with HIV for the past 27 years. I cannot wait!
My application to volunteer with the Conference has been accepted and I have the opportunity to work closely with researchers and professionals who work with issues related to HIV/AIDS. This is a once in a life time opportunity for me to network with others who are also interested in improving the lives of people living with HIV/AIDS. Over 25,000 people from around the world are expected to participate in conference activities.
I know at times this might be an overwhelming emotional experience. HIV often leaves us feeling isolated and alone and afraid to talk to others about our status and what we go through on a daily basis. Being in a city with thousands of other people who are also dealing with the same issues will be amazing!
I am very excited!!!
I was struggling regarding how I was going to pay for my travel and accommodations while in D.C but of course, my prayers have been answered and some of my friends have donated enough money to pay my travel costs and a couple of nights in a hotel, and to my delight I will also be staying at the Bed and Breakfast with “A Girl Like Me” (sponsored by the Well Project). This will give me an opportunity to meet others who blog and to meet the wonderful people behind the scenes who make all this possible.
When I return from the conference I will share what I learned with my community and other professionals. I plan to write a blog about my experience, take lots of pictures, and using the knowledge I gain to continue my education.
Did I mention how excited I am!
-Vickie L. (Lovinglife)
So how’s everyone doing?
I finally have high speed (internet)! I hope to post more now, if there is a need for it. I say that, because, I am not on Meds, and I don’t seem to find many like me.
I have come to the conclusion…I am an unwanted oddity.
I am switching doctors, and hope that the new specialist can carry on a conversation about nutrition and healthy lifestyle choices, or I will probably drop out of care!!!!
I am tired of references to the Immune System, when It’s the Lymphatic System health that is the issue!!!
Every bit of information I have amassed…I have researched on my own.
I don’t understand how people think that drinking alcohol and smoking, popping pills and snorting cocaine, eating junk and exposing yourself to environmental toxins…is OK. Conducive to life!
I guess the free will part of it comes into play. You have the free will to speed along your demise. You also have the free will to stop the deterioration of your precious bodily functions, by stepping up your nutritional intake!!!
Sure it’s expensive. I hear every one of you! Well I am not on meds, and I think that’s worth it. I save money on Liquor I don’t buy, drugs I don’t take, doctor visits I don’t need, and cleaning supplies that will only harm me!!! Vinegar and salt works great.
It’s your choice. Even if you are on meds, especially if you are on meds! Drink some carrot juice, eat some spinach, give up white bread and sugar….read about the Lymphatic System!
I am sad that I am so healthy and can’t help others….so please eat better. That’s not canned corn! It’s fresh and vibrant and healthy nutrition. I am worth it, and so are you.
I hope that newly diagnosed hear more info than previously peddled. Personally, I think the people like me have given up, and live healthy to themselves. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Take better care of yourself, and freak out your doctors!
Updates from Lynn
I have been missing you women! I have been absent, but not gone. I get excited each time my email tells me one of my sisters has written a new blog. I’m sorry I haven’t been sharing my voice.
Updates: My health remains good. My mental health is a challenge. I started treatment for my eating disorder. Given the fact that I have been in and out of therapy for over 20 years, and am in the mental health profession myself, I am surprised how difficult this treatment has been. I have never worked harder in therapy. But I’m proud of myself for facing a demon. And truly everything is related. Learning to have a healthy relationship with food and with my body will contribute to my overall health-the ultimate goal. My labs continue to be great. No real concerns. This summer will mark 4 years of being HIV positive. I’m feeling like I might just make it after all. I say that a little tongue in cheek. I think we probably all went through the same initial thoughts of, “Oh my god, HIV? I’m going to die young!” I can’t say I’m totally over that feeling, but I can confidently say I believe I have a full life to live. I can’t change the fact that I have HIV, but I can work to change other things, like my physical health, my mental health, and my spiritual health.
Over the past few months there have been some HIV related events. We had an HIV educator at my place of employment to train staff. It was pretty nerve racking, knowing that I was sitting in the room with people who are talking about HIV and who have no idea of my status. Overall, it went pretty well. And I felt very supported by my boss for prioritizing this type of training. It brought me a step closer to wanting to be “out.” I am not ready yet, but I can feel myself getting more and more tired of the carrying the burden of secrecy. I am not helping others and I am hurting myself with the isolation, shame and stigma. As long as I stay silent I am doing it to myself.
I decided to disclose my status to someone who has become a good friend. I work with this person, and I waited over a year to make sure I really felt safe with her. Our friendship had gotten to a point where I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. To really, really know me is to know that I have HIV. It is not who I am, but it definately colors my story. Her reaction was of course loving and supportive. She met me with a little denial-insisting that I would be ok and that we would grow to be old ladies together. I let her have her moment of shock and denial, I understand that I have had 3+ years to think about my status and find a way to accept it; it will take others a moment to accept it as well.
My baby will be 3 next week. Yes, I still have to call him my baby. As excited as I am to be witnessing such a beautiful little boy unfold I am still a mommy to that little baby boy who changed my life. I know I will be calling him baby into his adult years. And I believe I WILL be here to see those years.
Peace and Love and great Health to you all!
Not Being the NORMAL Mom
I can remember back in 1993 trying to get pregnant, via turkey baster and by standing on my head using a bowl, and going to the doctor to get a blood test to see if I was pregnant yet and the doctor telling me that I shouldn’t get pregnant. Then calling me on the phone after she, the doctor, with her newborn crying in the background, telling me that she didn’t think I was that kind of person to do that to a baby and I more than likely wouldn’t make it to even see my baby graduate high school. I then went to yet another doctor and told him I was trying to get pregnant and to test me and he sat there in silence, pondering his own thoughts and opinions, finally said ok and the appointment ended then. I then find out I was “maybe” pregnant. REALLY!!!!!!!!! I was so excited yet so confused. I was told to make an appointment with an OB/GYN. I went to that appointment and was told it was possibly a tubal pregnancy so blood work was done and an ultrasound scheduled. I went to the ultrasound appointment and there I saw my baby!!! A little peanut in my womb. He wasn’t in my tubes he was just still a lil thing, they tested me a little too early to give me a definite answer. As my appointments continued and I steadily got a bigger and bigger belly, my joy beamed from me. Still having doctors, family and friends look down on me for getting pregnant on purpose because of being afraid of me infecting my baby, all I could say was, “I know God will protect my baby”. They all looked at me as being stupid and having wishful thinking but I just knew my baby would be ok, just as I knew the sky is blue. The baby daddy (lol) was so excited, especially when we saw our little bundle of joy was going to be a boy. I wrote and scrapbooked every bit of information from each appointment (weight, t-cell count). I never took meds when pregnant even tho it was offered to me…well I should say it was forced upon me by doctors I did not trust and who looked down on me for getting pregnant so I refused.
At that time there wasn’t enough information to let me know it would be safe for my baby. I did go into pre-term labor with my son and was hospitalized for a week to make it stop. That was at 34 weeks along. This was also the time I fought with the woman in charge of the hospital itself because they posted a Biohazard sign on my hospital room door. Needless to say, they removed it and moved me to a room by the nurses station.
I finally had my baby boy at 38 weeks along, vaginally, no meds and he was perfect!!!!!! 2 days after he was put in my arms and we were about to pack to go home I had a nurse come in and try to get me to have my baby tested for HIV. She quickly became pissed off when, at the age of 19, I looked at her and said, “I may not have a PhD but I do KNOW that if they were to test my baby then, the test would be positive because it would show MY antibodies”. She told me that the doctor might have a problem releasing him and left the room. I was fuming like a momma bear protecting her cubs. I gave her 10 minutes to return then I was leaving—with MY baby. They must’ve thought because I was young, I would do whatever they said. I had done my homework!! She finally returned to tell me they would release him. I went home that day consumed with joy and pride that I was a new momma with a precious gift from God.
I took my baby to his first doctor appointment and was then hit with yet another doctor who talked down to me and when I refused to have my baby tested just yet she then told me, “Any good mother would have their baby tested”. Of course we switched doctors. I did find a good pediatrican for my baby and had him tested at 9 months. His ELISA (test) turned up positive but his Western Blot (test) turned up negative. So we waited until he was 12 months old and had him tested again. Both tests came back negative. Then at 18 months he was tested again, so he would have 2 negative tests confirming he was negative. And of course, it was confirmed!!!!!! Through all the misery and judgement all those doctors and other people tried to put me through, I followed my heart, my instinct, my gut and disregarded what was said to me and I got to have my baby boy who was and is very healthy to this day!!!! I do not know why God protected my baby and doesn’t protect others, I just know that for me, I knew with every part of my being he would be fine. The stigma and condemnation then and now for a woman to want and go through with having a baby is uncalled for. The research today shows that the transmission rate is nearly gone when meds are used and the mother’s viral load is undetectable. We have come a long way since 1993 and I am a strong believer that NO ONE should judge when they have no clue and/or have not walked in our shoes.
I have since going through all of that above, did have another planned baby. I found a doctor I trusted and who knows what he is talking about and backed mine and my then husband’s decision to conceive again. I had a baby girl this time, c-section and on meds. She, too, is negative and healthy as ever. She is now 13 and definitely a teenager. I want to duct tape her to the wall sometimes lol.
So to all the doctors, family and friends who didn’t back me, just judged me, I say kiss my butt!! I am still alive and kickin’ and have been able to be a mom to 2 beautiful children that are NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!
I hope this is helpful to some of you. Even through all the horrible negativity I have lasted and been able to stand up for what I believed in.
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